Frank Lampard had a vested interest, it turned out, in scoring his 100th and 101st goals for Chelsea on Saturday. Beneath his blue jersey he had a message for the fans and when the game was over he revealed all. A white vest (complete with sponsor's logo, below) upon which the words were written: '100 not out. They are all for you. Thanks.'
On the plus side, at least it was grammatically correct. On the minus side, there is something faintly nauseating about this fake genuflection to fans and causes, as propounded by a scrawl on one's under-garments. If you want to say something, say it. Does it have to be turned into a show-boating photo-opportunity?
Moses did not broadcast the Ten Commandments by vest and Sir Trevor McDonald does not rip open his shirt to give us the news headlines via bullet points on his underwear. But football has developed this ridiculous habit as a means of parading its sentiments, and false sentiments at that.
Do we really think that those goals were all for Chelsea fans, or were they, just a little bit, for the benefit of Frank's pension scheme and personal enhancement. When Robbie Fowler's vest came out in support of striking dockworkers, did he follow up and take it to the picket line? Not that one can recall.
Kaka's vest says: 'I belong to Jesus.' Fine, but tell Him not us.
It is none of our business. Football managers seem to tolerate this nonsense, but perhaps we can look forward to the day when Sir Alex Ferguson greets the array of apparel-based placards in his dressing room with a vest of this own saying: ''Take that bloody silly thing off."
